How to find relief for a busy mind
By Rami Nijjar
Worrying about how you came across in the conversation you just had with your boss, ruminating over the fight you had with your friend three years ago, wondering whether you are still attracted to your long-term partner — these are trains of thought we are all familiar with and they have one thing in common: the potential to morph into obsessive thinking. When we are caught up in obsessive thought loops, we feel entirely preoccupied with the themes, or content, of those thoughts. The content could be about how we look, what others think of us, who did what wrong when. However, obsessive thinking is more about the state of mind we find ourselves in and less about the content. While thinking about some of these things in a brief, purposeful way can help us with our goals and motivations, obsessing thinking can take up hours of our day and serves little other function than to draw us away from experiencing the present moment.
So why do we get into obsessive thinking patterns? Have you ever noticed that you are more likely to think this way in certain contexts, at certain times of the day, or after particularly busy stretches of work and life? Obsessive thinking patterns are a habitual way of coping with stress. That is why you are more likely to latch on to certain obsessions (like how your jeans are fitting or whether you locked the door) when you are interacting with someone with whom you have an uncomfortable relationship, after a busy day at work full of conflict or mishaps, or maybe even after you walk past the site where you were broken up with years ago. Obsessive thinking is a way in which we “check out” — our mind gets consumed with words and images and we become a step removed from our body and moment-to-moment experience. We may find that our anxious thoughts attach themselves to a certain theme when we start to reach our stress thresholds. For example, we may start worrying about our health or our past relationship when we are starting to burnout at work. Even though the stressor (work) and the thought theme (health) may seem unrelated, getting to know our “thought themes” - or where our brain goes when we are stressed - helps us understand when our stress levels have reached a critical mass. It is somewhat like stress eating, or binge drinking, in that it serves as an escape. Except in this case, no food or drink is involved, just us and our minds, so it can be tricky to even realize that it is happening. Furthermore, the content of our thoughts feel so alluring and urgent that we fail to realize the purpose obsessive thoughts are serving: helping us distance from pain or situations that feel overwhelming.
Curbing obsessive thinking can help us feel more present in our lives, help improve our decision making skills, and overall feel better equipped to deal with life stress. Importantly, it can alert us to what fears we might be holding on to. For example, sitting here and writing this blog post, I am compelled by thoughts of what I have to do later today. Is it important to think of my schedule right now? Probably not. But if I look closer at what I am experiencing, I realize that getting caught up in these thoughts is a way to ease the fear of putting myself out there and sharing my writing. In a way I am jumping into my head to avoid something I fear, enabling these thoughts to distract me from my task and help me find something else, less scary to do (like open iCal and Gmail and mindlessly rearrange things). Knowing this, I am able to address my fear with compassion and remind myself that it takes a lot of courage to believe in yourself and maybe it is okay to be a little scared. Already, I feel more present in my writing.
Of course, this is a very simple example of how our thoughts can draw us out of the present moment. Sometimes we battle thoughts that feel much bigger than ourselves and cause a great deal of suffering: worrying about the future, ruminating about the past, judging ourselves or others, or worrying that we are not good enough. Working with these thoughts as a way to better understand our feelings and needs can be a powerful and healing tool. To explore your own relationship with obsessive thought patterns try the following, adapted from meditation teacher and psychologist Tara Brach’s work:
Start with a simple practice of sitting with breath (or sounds, or physical sensations in your body). As you notice thoughts arise in your mind, simply label them as “thinking” and then return your attention to your breath. You can practice this daily for a while until you get the hang of it and feel ready to move on to the next step.
Taking a comfortable seat or lie down; start to bring your attention to your favorite anchor of the present moment. You can either start to notice your breath, attend fully to the sounds in your environment, or scan your body for the variety of physical sensations that are present. As you put your attention on this anchor, you will notice that thoughts naturally arise in your mind. Try attaching a label to the thought: thinking, planning, judging, remembering, worrying. And then bring your attention back to your anchor: breath, sounds, or sensations. If it is helpful, you can even attach a visual to the intruding thoughts, like imagining each thought as a leaf floating down a river or a cloud floating above in the sky. Observing thoughts as such can help you “let go” of them as you return to your breath or chosen anchor. Continue this practice for 10 – 20 minutes, resting your attention on your anchor and then labeling and letting go of thoughts as they come up.
Make a list of the thoughts themes that you find troubling. For example, ruminating on a friend’s behavior, worrying about what to do in the future, judging an aspect of your appearance. Try to do this without judgment. Obsessive thinking is part of being human and everyone has their own obsessive themes.
Having made this list, give each theme a label. For example, if you often get caught up thinking about what to do after university, you can label this “future planning” or “worrying about the future.” If you get caught up in being hard on yourself about your weight, you can label this “body conscious.” Your labels will naturally refine themselves over time, so just pick something simple to start.
Set an intention that for a week or so (maybe longer if you feel compelled) to label and disengage from these thoughts when they arise, just as you practiced doing in the exercise above.
For help identifying unhelpful thoughts and creating distance from them, contact us, we are here to help.